I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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