Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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