Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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