Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
