I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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