You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
