yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
