Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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