Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
