New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
