I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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