Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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