He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
