She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
