Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
