If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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