Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i came on her dog
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
