What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
