my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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