I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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