I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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