I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
