im drinking this country out of the recession.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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