I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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