she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
did you just send me my own nude
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
