Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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