I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
