she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
