Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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