i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
