You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
