I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
