i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
