Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
