I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
