Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
