i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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