I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
