Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
