Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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