he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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