This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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