My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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