Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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