umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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