it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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