Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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