I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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