I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
