College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
