Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
