I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
