he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
