Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
