What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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