just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Welp...herpes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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