Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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