When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
