my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just had sex on a roof
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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