How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
