Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
