Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
