it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
