he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
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She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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