Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
All I want is dick and wine.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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