I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
