the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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