Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Randomize
